Wow

It Just Keeps Getting Better

I thought I'd be sick of these by now, but nope.

I am so devastated......,help?
My crush hasn't been coming to school for more than two weeks.I don't know what happened to him if everything is okay.I have liked him since the beginning of the school year but we recently started talking.He told me his name but i forgot so i was plannig to ask him when i see him agan.

I tried to ask his teacher about him but she couldn't figure who i was talking about since i forgot his name.

I don't know what to do?
I am so sad.


Your boyfriend is not Edward Cullen.

  • Current Mood
    happy happy
Boggle

Untapped Resources

It just keeps getting better.

The following are honest to goodness real questions posted over on Yahoo Answers. In the interest of full disclosure, there are some normal questions there as well. I've even asked and answered a few myself. But mostly, there are piles of stupid. Heaps.

For your entertainment purposes, I give you Answers I'm Not Going To Post Over There.

I emailed my boyfriend's wife and she responded with, "good luck" with your future, why would she say that?

You have herpes.

Isn't it nice to be able to hang out with ppl that don't make you have to think too hard?

This is why I've been spending time at Yahoo Answers.

I want to die, is this bad?

Yeah, I'm not even going to touch this one.

Do gay people get turned on when they see their own reflection?

Only when they aren't taking turns pretending one of them is a member of the opposite sex so they can have sex.

About how much money should i bring with me to the Buddakan Restaurant in NYC?

At least $800, cash. Go to the side door and ask for AJ. Hand over the cash and she'll walk away. Don't worry; she's going to get the maître d'. He will bring you to your table. Promise.

What do you think would happen if a caveman entered Abercrombie or American Eagle?

The people in Abercrombie or American Eagle would say, "Holy shit! A caveman!"

I have a rat stuck in my window well. What do I do?

Remove the rat.

Can anyone think of a sentence with the word annotation?

Your question is your question's own answer.

How you do a tampoline?

A lot of wine and a lot of lube.

My sisters fish died how do i help to cheer her up?

Drown her so she can be with her fish.

Why do i have to accomitdate my gfs style of communication?

Because she has the boobs and you want to touch the boobs.

Have you ever seen a mirage?

I thought I did.

I had this guy that I was seeing to tell me that he would kill me and then dispose of my body. Was he joking?

I clicked the link for this question, but it had been taken down. It said the poster was no longer available.

Something that starts with N ? Something thats starts with N for show n tell? My daughter has to take something eatable to school that starts with the letter N and it cant be Nuts...any suggestions ?

Your daughter is going to fail out of school due to genetics. There are so few n-words that are eatable.

Why does it get so much harder to attract younger girls when you're old?

The legal system.

Why did people decide to become flappers?

Women had three choices: wife, spinster, flapper.

How difficult it is for a diabetic person to find a life partner in india?

This one is only funny to Scott and Ann-Marie.

My boyfriend is making me feel as if i must be with him. What should i do?

Be with him.

Where are the biggest battles fought?

In my pants. Wait. I mean, in your mom's pants.

Question why is it in eastenders that when ever anyone goes to hospital they get a private room?

It's in the script.

Does the pope like it when people kiss his ring?

Honey, it's "Is the pope Catholic?"

Im am getting a D in english!!? and i have one weekto bring it up or else i wont be able to play sports and i am really embarrased and i dont know what to do....... please no mean comments

You seem like a strong writer. I cannot imagine why you are getting a D.

How can I find a specific taxi driver without their cab number?

He only told you those things in the hopes of a bigger tip. Let him go, man. Let him go.

Dont bear children with wom you feel is cat and you are rat family,what do u say? what if a man get married to a woman,although he knew that geting married to her is not 100%from his mind,only to finish marriage,and she does worst things that discourage me more,that i see it iritating to make her bear any child for me,is it encourage to forget the marriage?you know one myth think he loves her only after marriage there is no mor love,and for my sake i dont find hundred percent hapiness marrying her,what do you surgest?dont you think i myth be using hanger to beat hel out of her? and when my children grows and sees that,them myth be unhappy with me,dont you think its better we seperate now?

A lot of wine and a lot of lube.

Why Do Atheists Still Naively Believe We Evolved From Monkeys When The Bible Proves We Was Created By God?

We Was?

Wat hight school did kobe goto?

What one do you goto?

Is listening to music on youtube stealing? Christain view please.?

I don't think...oh wait, you only want to hear from Christains? I just washed out all of my chri-stains, so I guess I can't help you on this one.

Why doesn't anyone remember the Australian-American war?

Never heard of it.

Do you pretend mute...when they pretend deaf....?

. . . . . . .. . . . .. . .. . . . . . . . . .. . . .. . .
. .. . . .. . . . . . . .. . .. .. .. . . . . .. . .
. . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . .. . ..


Yeah, that is SO not going to work. You'll just have to wonder if it says "I wish I could answer that question for you".

Going out for a meal saturday with my boyfriends fam....what to wear?

As long as you don't wear the outfit you made out of your last boyfriend's family's skin, you should be OK.

I want to suprise my fiancee with something thoughfull, romantic and sweet for our anniversary any ideas?

A lot of wine and a lot of lube.

Hi.... can you help me? you can give me the address e-mail of robert pattinson?if you have him/it you send me?

notgoingtohappen@keepdreaming.email.com or creepyolddudepretending@im16forreal.email.com

Where and what are some good products i can purchase that help maintain an erection?

A lot of wine and a lot of lube.

Cop thinks I'm making False Allegations, what should I do?

Start telling the truth.

How can you decrease the chances of being rejected by young girls when you're an old guy?

Make up an email address that is easily accepted as Robert Pattinson's.

How do u get a porn star in your house for free without paying?

For free and without paying? I usually call my friend Mike and he sends one of the girls over. Why? How do you do it?

Where do men like to be looked at?

The crotch.

Going To Church Is The Only Scientifically Proven Way To Avoid Going To Hell. Do You Agree?

Capitalizing Every Word Is The Only Scientifically Proven Way To Type. Do You Agree?

About how long does it take for a home fire arson investigation?

Don't plan on leaving the country any time soon.

What if a boy loves his dirtbike and his girlfreind the same?

He loves his dirtbike a lot more, but he didn't want to fight with you.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
Storm Loser

I'm So Happy!

I seriously can't breathe right now.

Yahoo Answers is the place to go when you need to feel better about yourself.

Or to get irrefutable proof that the world is screwed.


Where can i buy drum sets at?

How much weight do i need to lost to become a model?

Can somebody please list the prophecies that have come to pass?

On my first date my boyfriend told me that i must change my dressing is it right or wrong? but in my heart i felt wrong, because i just knew him and he asking me this on our first date. Now it has been 1 year and the problem still going on because of my dressing after all i jus wear sleaveless tops ONLY and that is also when im with my family.

How long does Iced Tea last? Also can anyone suggest a name for a tea and coffee bussiness?

how can they justify sending a dog when they don't have reasonable suspicion and they pulled the person over for a brake light.... its like an oxy moron that makes no sense please tell me Im understanding this wrong.

Wat do u no about food poisioning? how do stop throwing up?

My report card is cuming...any one got good escuses for two bad grades?

Is maehican lover racist to call someone by, which means that person loves all mexicans?

Ok so today shulda been the last day of my period...it never started
i went to the hospital last week before my period was due because for 2 week i had stomach pains (severe) all pregnancy tests came up negative i keep seeing pregnant ppl i mean they are everywhere and ppl keep telling me im pregnant my godsister said the same thing happen to her when she got pregnant idk wat to think

I Turned 13 a few months ago and i just started my period and i need 2 go toilet and i have a man teacher!?

I refuse to celebrate St. Patricks Day, Ever again!?!?!?
I dressed my kids in green and didn't have a speck of green on myself at all. Do you think I got pinched? Hell NO! I'm boycotting this holiday forever and ever...Amen. Except the green beer. I kinda like to have that with my corned beef and cabbage.

I want to be in prostitute ....? (This was posted under > Beauty & Style > Hair)

Anii Ideas 4 An Emo Birthdaii?

Christians. Are you supposed to judge people or not?

I don't know what to do 4real? i go with this boy name tavaughn and he so inlove with me . i still have feelings for my ex girlfriend. me and he play touching and he want to fight her. i want to be with her and he want to be with me. i dont know who to choose. i been with him 6months. and me and he use to be together for 2years.

Why is he dating this butt ugly girl and not me?

Shud i press charges against my boyfriend? i foundt out my boyfriend has been on sum cell fone chat line and been sendin pics to sum chic...he says its not cheatin...neways to make da story short..this morning he came in from work and got in2 my purse and got my ATM card and withdrew 200 bucks out of my account..shud i press charges against him? Bad thing out of all this...i cud b carryin his child...this situation is messed up pretty bad

Whos number is this/631-538-7676? OK, that one made me laugh REALLY LOUD. I am so going to get in trouble.

Why does another cat sit outside screened porch and look at my two spayed cats?

How can I tell if my cat is lying to me? Yes, my cat speaks english. I am still unable to discern the facial expressions of a cat, so its hard to tell. (I'm crying right now. I'm laughing silently at my desk and crying. Help me.)

Here's an answer for the above: they are good liers. you can't tell sometimes. like when a cat gives love...you don't know if it's because they want food or something. they are mysterious and like being that way.

Can hamsters be cuddly or they just ignore you ?

I have been feeding a bird for almost a year and it suddenly vanished two days ago...wondering why?
  • Current Mood
    happy happy. so very happy
Breakfast

We don't have to take our clothes off to have a good time, oh no

Yeah, so someone online started an ear worm contest and I cursed myself. Let the subject of this entry burn itself into your brain and join me in the madness.

New updates:



  • No word from the surgeon. I should probably call the doctor to see what's up, but since I don't really think the biopsy is needed, I'm probably going to let it slide. Then again, if I end up with testicular cancer of the neck, I'm gonna be so mad I didn't go. Then I'll be happy because I'll be on the cover of every magazine for having testicular cancer of the neck.

  • One disc left of Dexter. Season three doesn't come out until forever, and that makes me sad.

  • We started Heroes again. We had watched the pilot and liked it, but then missed a few and gave up. We tend to watch most things on DVD now, except for super favorites. The first disc only had the first two episodes. Hopefully the next discs will get here super fast for our pleasure.

  • Milk will arrive today or tomorrow. I'm pissed we didn't catch this in the theater, but I'm psyched it's coming so soon because it's got a long wait list.

  • Work is insane, but I'm feeling good about how I'm reacting and responding. I rule.

  • Scott's going to see OK Go tonight. I hope he has fun and does not run off with the band.

  • I need to figure out a way to write wacky zany updates about good things. It's more fun to write about the chaos, but I'm trying to keep it our of my life. Angry writing is way more fun though. How the heck do you writes and OMG WTF FUNNY COMMENT about how cool your cats are? Wait, maybe I can write something about how much it sucks to feel healthy because then you don't have anything to write about. DAMN YOU, SANITY!




Stay off the pipe!
Pirate Flag

Short and Sweet?

Let's see if I can do a cliff notes version of what's been happening.



  • After CT scan #3, my doctor said my lymph node is still enlarged, even though she can't feel it in my neck. She's referred me to a surgeon who will look at all the CT scans and probably want to do a biopsy. I am really not worried about this because the lump is gone and I feel fine. However, I am not looking forward to a needle in my neck.

  • Scott and I are almost done with season two of Dexter. The show rocks.

  • We saw Coraline in 2D and 3D. We'll be seeing Monsters Versus Aliens in 3D.

  • Scott fixed not one, but TWO car problems. He had grease on his hands and everything. He strutted around the house for the rest of the day, after washing his hands for 20 minutes to get the dirt off.

  • We liked The Watchmen.

  • Goodreads is awesome. My link is in my user info if you want to friend me.

  • I'm spending most of my time on Facebook.

  • Work is stressful, but I'm trying to be zen about it.

  • Therapy is helping with the whole zen thing.

  • There are many times where I am not being zen about work.

  • Atticat is an awesome cat addition to the family.

  • I've talked myself out of an iPhone. For now.

  • I think that's it.


Thora

Let's All Go To The Lobby!

Hello faithful readers,

If you haven't seen it, you need to watch Lars and the Real Girl. I was interested in it when I saw the trailer, then forgot about it until wishuponakate reviewed it. Scott and I watched it Saturday night, and it was fantastic. Scott gave it five stars, and he's very picky about his movies. Some of the descriptions are not great, so don't fall into the "Dude falls in love with sex doll and wacky things happen" trick. Watch it and love it.

We also watched Burn After Reading. We liked it. It had a Big Lebowski ending and the characters are carefully crafted. I mostly wanted to see it because of Brad Pitt's dance moves.

We've started watching The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour, the Best of Season Three. I have yet to see anything from seasons one and two. It's weird to watch because some of it was extremely topical and doesn't translate to 2009, at least for me. Other parts are just as funny as they were when it originally aired. I like the comedy albums more, but it's still a good watch. Tommy kills me with his little brother ADHD meanderings and his attempts to distract Dick when he's called out on something. Scott and I will often launch into a straight man routine with Scott playing the part of Tommy and me as the straight man, so it's that much more amusing. It's making me want to get more albums, but the only thing I've been able to find is Sibling Revelry. Woah, amazon.com has Curb Your Tongue, Knave on their sellers page. I may track it down, if only for Tommy's take on American history.

Also, smokeytwat and I may have a cat fight over Tommy. She's got major mom power, and I'm pretty sure she'd school me. Badly.

OK then, off to...well, not really off to anything. Off to sitting here and thinking about things to do.
Statler & Waldorf

I blame illogicalduck for ALL of this!

illogicalduck was all "Entertain me! I want to hear more about your life!"

This is all her fault.


Part One of Things That Are Illogicalduck's Fault:

As you remember from the last post, Atticat isn't fixed. (This part isn't illogicalduck's fault. At least, I can't make a connection proving it's her fault.)

Atticat got out yesterday and spent the night under the porch with many, many gentlemen callers. Scott got her back in the house this morning. The hussy didn't even attempt to do the walk of shame back into the kitchen. We now have at least two boy cats hanging out in the back yard all "Hey mammacita! You gonna come out again tonight?" She is not. We have to develop a new way of going in and out of the house. It will look something like opening the door a crack, jamming your foot and leg in so she can't get out, shrinking your body and everything you are holding to the width of less than a cat, then stuffing yourself through the door at the speed of light. Or at least at the speed of faster than a cat in heat.

She will hopefully be fixed within two weeks.


Part Two of Things That Are Illogicalduck's Fault:

I'll sum up the history of my neck so people don't have to go back and reread.

1. Got a sore throat before Christmas.
2. Glands got really swollen.
3. Right side got REALLY swollen.
4. On the day after Christmas I went in to see my doctor because it looked like I had a golf ball in my neck.
5. She thought it was an infected saliva gland, possibly caused by the mumps. She gave me antibiotics and scheduled a CT to see what was up, as well as some blood work.
6. I was all "The MUMPS??? It's almost 2009!" and then sang stuff like "My mumps! My mumps! My lovely lady mumps!"
7. CT involved an IV (my favorite) and a dye that makes your fingers tingly and makes it feel like you peed your pants. I did not, in fact, pee my pants. I also did not faint from the IV.
8. Met with the doctor two weeks later. CT scan showed that it was "something" with my lymph node. I don't think she said anything about my blood work. She poked at my other lymph nodes. She scheduled a follow up CT for the end of the month to see what was going on. By the time I had my follow up appointment, the lump was much smaller.

Here's the new stuff that is illogicalduck's fault. I'll keep it numbered for consistency's sake:

9. Went for CT scan number two. Did not faint from IV or pee my pants.
10. Got a voicemail from the nurse the following Wednesday asking me to call back to go over the results.
11. I had an appointment to see the doctor next Thursday to go over the results, so I figured everything was cool and they were calling me to tell me how awesome I am and that I didn't need to come in.
12. Talk to nurse #1 on Thursday, late morning. She asks me about the blood work and if I had the tests done "for work or ... why did I get tested for the mumps?" I'm all "Huh? That was a month ago." I hear papers rustling and I tell her I had a follow up CT scan and that's why I'm calling. I hear more papers rustling and she asks me about the blood work again. I explain the whole after Christmas mump and why I came in and why I was having a second CT scan. She says I had tested positive for the mumps. I asked her what that meant and she said "I... don't... know. You had your MMR, right?" I said yes, and she said it might be the vaccine showing up, but she didn't know. More rustling of papers. "Hmmm...let me talk to the doctor and call you back."
13. I'm all "Well THAT was informative."
14. Nurse #2 calls me back with the results of my second CT scan. (I'm kicking myself for not writing this part down to refer to now.) She said the lump is smaller, but still there and the doctor is recommending a biopsy as a next step. I say "OK. What does that mean?" I hear papers rustling. Something about the results and wanting to find out more and the doctor will explain everything when I come in next Thursday. I say "Is this something I should be panicking about?" She said "Uhm...let me have the doctor call you back" then gets off the phone as fast as she can.
15. It's around 4 PM at this point, so I figure there's no way I'm getting a call back. Also, that's not an answer you really want to hear from a nurse.
16. Overall, I am amused by all of this.
17. Finally talked to my doctor a little while ago. She said the lymph node was smaller, but still enlarged and she'd like me to meet with a surgeon to have a biopsy done and we'll talk about all of this on Thursday when I come in to see her. I ask why she wants a biopsy and she says it will show if it's an infection or an inflammation or something else. Basically, it's to see what in the heck is going on in there.
18. Now I wait until Thursday.
19. In the meantime, I'm coming up with explanations for why I still have an enlarged lymph node.
20. My current favorite is that I somehow got crayons lodged in there.


Part Three of Things That Are Illogicalduck's Fault:

Someone burnt popcorn in the office microwave.

OK, look people. Why is microwaving popcorn difficult? We have so much technology at our fingertips, and yet when someone holds a bag of microwave popcorn and gets near a microwave, they temporarily lose brain function. "OK. I'll put this in here and close the door. Now this button says 'popcorn' but that probably means a different brand of popcorn. Hmmm. The instructions say 2-3 minutes, but time may vary. Hmmm. OK, I'm going to put this in for six minutes. I'll take it out when it's done. ... ... ... Wow, six minutes is a long time to wait. I'm going to go check my email/go to the bathroom/go to a Grateful Dead Concert. It'll be done when I get back. ... ... ... What's that smell? Oh yeah, my popcorn! Huh, this is really smoky. Hey! It's burnt! Sheesh, why can't they put better instructions on this thing? Oh well. I'll throw this away and go back to my office where I can't smell it. I'm sure no one else will notice it. Wait, while I'm out here, maybe I should microwave some fish."

There's also another version. "OK, popcorn goes in. The 'popcorn' button usually burns it, so I'll only put it in for a minute. ... That didn't work. One more minute. ... Nope. One more minute. ... OK, it popped a little. One more minute should finish it. ... Huh, it's still sort of popping. Sounds like there are a lot of unpopped kernels in there. Weird though, the bottom of the bag is starting to turn black. One more minute. ... Why does this smell burnt? I only put it in for one minute! Lemme check this out. WTF? I have seven popped kernels, a ton of burnt pieces, and 90% unpopped kernels. This popcorn sucks. Oh well. I'll throw this away and go back to my office where I can't smell it. I'm sure no one else will notice it. Wait, while I'm out here, maybe I should microwave some fish."

And the final version. "OK, taking out the popcorn. I am awesome. I never burn popcorn when I make it. Gods, this smells sooooooooooooo good. I'm going to carry it down every single hall and past every single person in this office before I go into my office and shut the door. I bet they will love the smell. Oooh, I wonder if anyone else will get up and make popcorn after they smell mine. Too bad I can't share this, but I need to go into my office and close the door! Oh wait, before I go back, let me put out this tray of fish I made. Maybe someone is hungry and would like to heat some of this up as a snack."

This, of course, leads to version one and/or two.


And The Final Part of Things That Are Illogicalduck's Fault:

There is an office in a different department that's around the corner from me. Every few months they have a conference call. Apparently the rules are as follows:

1. Someone must be late for the call.
2. The person who is on time must start the call, but leave the door open so when the late person arrives, he can come in and join the conversation.
3. Turn the speaker phone up as loud as it will go.
3a. Use an amplifier in front of the speaker to make sure you can hear the other people on the call.
4. Begin the call.
5. To ensure that you are being heard, yell into the speaker.
6. To ensure that others are being heard, have them yell into their speaker, so their yelling will come out of your speaker, into the amplifier, and into the ear hole of you and everyone in the building.
7. When the late person shows up, he should never, EVER close the door behind him. This is a sign of disrespect. The people on the call will know he has shut the door.
8. Whenever possible, everyone should speak at the same time. It shows strong potential if you can speak to the other person in your office as that person is yelling into the phone.
9. You should use the phrase "What?" as often as possible. This will let other people know that everyone should install a louder amplifier for the next conference call.
10. If given the opportunity, argue with the other callers. It's important to show dominance.
11. When the call is over, do not, under any circumstances disconnect the phone until the dial tone has been projected into the ear hole of you and everyone in the building. You should remain confused about how to end the call so that the blaring dial tone will last as long as possible.
12. Leaving the door open, discuss every detail of the conference call with the late person. It's a good idea to continue to yell, as this will keep your vocal cords strong for the next conference call.
13. When the late person leaves your office, close your door. Seriously, people in this building are loud and you need it to be quiet so you can get some work done.
14. Wait a few minutes, then get a craving for microwave popcorn and/or fish.


So there you go, illogicalduck. I hope my willingness to find the absurd in the annoyances of my life have brought a smile to your koala loving face.