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It Just Keeps Getting Better

I thought I'd be sick of these by now, but nope.

I am so devastated......,help?
My crush hasn't been coming to school for more than two weeks.I don't know what happened to him if everything is okay.I have liked him since the beginning of the school year but we recently started talking.He told me his name but i forgot so i was plannig to ask him when i see him agan.

I tried to ask his teacher about him but she couldn't figure who i was talking about since i forgot his name.

I don't know what to do?
I am so sad.

Your boyfriend is not Edward Cullen.

Untapped Resources

It just keeps getting better.

The following are honest to goodness real questions posted over on Yahoo Answers. In the interest of full disclosure, there are some normal questions there as well. I've even asked and answered a few myself. But mostly, there are piles of stupid. Heaps.

For your entertainment purposes, I give you Answers I'm Not Going To Post Over There.

I emailed my boyfriend's wife and she responded with, "good luck" with your future, why would she say that?

You have herpes.

Isn't it nice to be able to hang out with ppl that don't make you have to think too hard?

This is why I've been spending time at Yahoo Answers.

I want to die, is this bad?

Yeah, I'm not even going to touch this one.

Do gay people get turned on when they see their own reflection?

Only when they aren't taking turns pretending one of them is a member of the opposite sex so they can have sex.

About how much money should i bring with me to the Buddakan Restaurant in NYC?

At least $800, cash. Go to the side door and ask for AJ. Hand over the cash and she'll walk away. Don't worry; she's going to get the maître d'. He will bring you to your table. Promise.

What do you think would happen if a caveman entered Abercrombie or American Eagle?

The people in Abercrombie or American Eagle would say, "Holy shit! A caveman!"

I have a rat stuck in my window well. What do I do?

Remove the rat.

Can anyone think of a sentence with the word annotation?

Your question is your question's own answer.

How you do a tampoline?

A lot of wine and a lot of lube.

My sisters fish died how do i help to cheer her up?

Drown her so she can be with her fish.

Why do i have to accomitdate my gfs style of communication?

Because she has the boobs and you want to touch the boobs.

Have you ever seen a mirage?

I thought I did.

I had this guy that I was seeing to tell me that he would kill me and then dispose of my body. Was he joking?

I clicked the link for this question, but it had been taken down. It said the poster was no longer available.

Something that starts with N ? Something thats starts with N for show n tell? My daughter has to take something eatable to school that starts with the letter N and it cant be Nuts...any suggestions ?

Your daughter is going to fail out of school due to genetics. There are so few n-words that are eatable.

Why does it get so much harder to attract younger girls when you're old?

The legal system.

Why did people decide to become flappers?

Women had three choices: wife, spinster, flapper.

How difficult it is for a diabetic person to find a life partner in india?

This one is only funny to Scott and Ann-Marie.

My boyfriend is making me feel as if i must be with him. What should i do?

Be with him.

Where are the biggest battles fought?

In my pants. Wait. I mean, in your mom's pants.

Question why is it in eastenders that when ever anyone goes to hospital they get a private room?

It's in the script.

Does the pope like it when people kiss his ring?

Honey, it's "Is the pope Catholic?"

Im am getting a D in english!!? and i have one weekto bring it up or else i wont be able to play sports and i am really embarrased and i dont know what to do....... please no mean comments

You seem like a strong writer. I cannot imagine why you are getting a D.

How can I find a specific taxi driver without their cab number?

He only told you those things in the hopes of a bigger tip. Let him go, man. Let him go.

Dont bear children with wom you feel is cat and you are rat family,what do u say? what if a man get married to a woman,although he knew that geting married to her is not 100%from his mind,only to finish marriage,and she does worst things that discourage me more,that i see it iritating to make her bear any child for me,is it encourage to forget the marriage?you know one myth think he loves her only after marriage there is no mor love,and for my sake i dont find hundred percent hapiness marrying her,what do you surgest?dont you think i myth be using hanger to beat hel out of her? and when my children grows and sees that,them myth be unhappy with me,dont you think its better we seperate now?

A lot of wine and a lot of lube.

Why Do Atheists Still Naively Believe We Evolved From Monkeys When The Bible Proves We Was Created By God?

We Was?

Wat hight school did kobe goto?

What one do you goto?

Is listening to music on youtube stealing? Christain view please.?

I don't think...oh wait, you only want to hear from Christains? I just washed out all of my chri-stains, so I guess I can't help you on this one.

Why doesn't anyone remember the Australian-American war?

Never heard of it.

Do you pretend mute...when they pretend deaf....?

. . . . . . .. . . . .. . .. . . . . . . . . .. . . .. . .
. .. . . .. . . . . . . .. . .. .. .. . . . . .. . .
. . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . .. . ..

Yeah, that is SO not going to work. You'll just have to wonder if it says "I wish I could answer that question for you".

Going out for a meal saturday with my boyfriends fam....what to wear?

As long as you don't wear the outfit you made out of your last boyfriend's family's skin, you should be OK.

I want to suprise my fiancee with something thoughfull, romantic and sweet for our anniversary any ideas?

A lot of wine and a lot of lube.

Hi.... can you help me? you can give me the address e-mail of robert pattinson?if you have him/it you send me?

notgoingtohappen@keepdreaming.email.com or creepyolddudepretending@im16forreal.email.com

Where and what are some good products i can purchase that help maintain an erection?

A lot of wine and a lot of lube.

Cop thinks I'm making False Allegations, what should I do?

Start telling the truth.

How can you decrease the chances of being rejected by young girls when you're an old guy?

Make up an email address that is easily accepted as Robert Pattinson's.

How do u get a porn star in your house for free without paying?

For free and without paying? I usually call my friend Mike and he sends one of the girls over. Why? How do you do it?

Where do men like to be looked at?

The crotch.

Going To Church Is The Only Scientifically Proven Way To Avoid Going To Hell. Do You Agree?

Capitalizing Every Word Is The Only Scientifically Proven Way To Type. Do You Agree?

About how long does it take for a home fire arson investigation?

Don't plan on leaving the country any time soon.

What if a boy loves his dirtbike and his girlfreind the same?

He loves his dirtbike a lot more, but he didn't want to fight with you.

I'm So Happy!

I seriously can't breathe right now.

Yahoo Answers is the place to go when you need to feel better about yourself.

Or to get irrefutable proof that the world is screwed.

Where can i buy drum sets at?

How much weight do i need to lost to become a model?

Can somebody please list the prophecies that have come to pass?

On my first date my boyfriend told me that i must change my dressing is it right or wrong? but in my heart i felt wrong, because i just knew him and he asking me this on our first date. Now it has been 1 year and the problem still going on because of my dressing after all i jus wear sleaveless tops ONLY and that is also when im with my family.

How long does Iced Tea last? Also can anyone suggest a name for a tea and coffee bussiness?

how can they justify sending a dog when they don't have reasonable suspicion and they pulled the person over for a brake light.... its like an oxy moron that makes no sense please tell me Im understanding this wrong.

Wat do u no about food poisioning? how do stop throwing up?

My report card is cuming...any one got good escuses for two bad grades?

Is maehican lover racist to call someone by, which means that person loves all mexicans?

Ok so today shulda been the last day of my period...it never started
i went to the hospital last week before my period was due because for 2 week i had stomach pains (severe) all pregnancy tests came up negative i keep seeing pregnant ppl i mean they are everywhere and ppl keep telling me im pregnant my godsister said the same thing happen to her when she got pregnant idk wat to think

I Turned 13 a few months ago and i just started my period and i need 2 go toilet and i have a man teacher!?

I refuse to celebrate St. Patricks Day, Ever again!?!?!?
I dressed my kids in green and didn't have a speck of green on myself at all. Do you think I got pinched? Hell NO! I'm boycotting this holiday forever and ever...Amen. Except the green beer. I kinda like to have that with my corned beef and cabbage.

I want to be in prostitute ....? (This was posted under > Beauty & Style > Hair)

Anii Ideas 4 An Emo Birthdaii?

Christians. Are you supposed to judge people or not?

I don't know what to do 4real? i go with this boy name tavaughn and he so inlove with me . i still have feelings for my ex girlfriend. me and he play touching and he want to fight her. i want to be with her and he want to be with me. i dont know who to choose. i been with him 6months. and me and he use to be together for 2years.

Why is he dating this butt ugly girl and not me?

Shud i press charges against my boyfriend? i foundt out my boyfriend has been on sum cell fone chat line and been sendin pics to sum chic...he says its not cheatin...neways to make da story short..this morning he came in from work and got in2 my purse and got my ATM card and withdrew 200 bucks out of my account..shud i press charges against him? Bad thing out of all this...i cud b carryin his child...this situation is messed up pretty bad

Whos number is this/631-538-7676? OK, that one made me laugh REALLY LOUD. I am so going to get in trouble.

Why does another cat sit outside screened porch and look at my two spayed cats?

How can I tell if my cat is lying to me? Yes, my cat speaks english. I am still unable to discern the facial expressions of a cat, so its hard to tell. (I'm crying right now. I'm laughing silently at my desk and crying. Help me.)

Here's an answer for the above: they are good liers. you can't tell sometimes. like when a cat gives love...you don't know if it's because they want food or something. they are mysterious and like being that way.

Can hamsters be cuddly or they just ignore you ?

I have been feeding a bird for almost a year and it suddenly vanished two days ago...wondering why?
Yeah, so someone online started an ear worm contest and I cursed myself. Let the subject of this entry burn itself into your brain and join me in the madness.

New updates:

  • No word from the surgeon. I should probably call the doctor to see what's up, but since I don't really think the biopsy is needed, I'm probably going to let it slide. Then again, if I end up with testicular cancer of the neck, I'm gonna be so mad I didn't go. Then I'll be happy because I'll be on the cover of every magazine for having testicular cancer of the neck.

  • One disc left of Dexter. Season three doesn't come out until forever, and that makes me sad.

  • We started Heroes again. We had watched the pilot and liked it, but then missed a few and gave up. We tend to watch most things on DVD now, except for super favorites. The first disc only had the first two episodes. Hopefully the next discs will get here super fast for our pleasure.

  • Milk will arrive today or tomorrow. I'm pissed we didn't catch this in the theater, but I'm psyched it's coming so soon because it's got a long wait list.

  • Work is insane, but I'm feeling good about how I'm reacting and responding. I rule.

  • Scott's going to see OK Go tonight. I hope he has fun and does not run off with the band.

  • I need to figure out a way to write wacky zany updates about good things. It's more fun to write about the chaos, but I'm trying to keep it our of my life. Angry writing is way more fun though. How the heck do you writes and OMG WTF FUNNY COMMENT about how cool your cats are? Wait, maybe I can write something about how much it sucks to feel healthy because then you don't have anything to write about. DAMN YOU, SANITY!

Stay off the pipe!

Short and Sweet?

Let's see if I can do a cliff notes version of what's been happening.

  • After CT scan #3, my doctor said my lymph node is still enlarged, even though she can't feel it in my neck. She's referred me to a surgeon who will look at all the CT scans and probably want to do a biopsy. I am really not worried about this because the lump is gone and I feel fine. However, I am not looking forward to a needle in my neck.

  • Scott and I are almost done with season two of Dexter. The show rocks.

  • We saw Coraline in 2D and 3D. We'll be seeing Monsters Versus Aliens in 3D.

  • Scott fixed not one, but TWO car problems. He had grease on his hands and everything. He strutted around the house for the rest of the day, after washing his hands for 20 minutes to get the dirt off.

  • We liked The Watchmen.

  • Goodreads is awesome. My link is in my user info if you want to friend me.

  • I'm spending most of my time on Facebook.

  • Work is stressful, but I'm trying to be zen about it.

  • Therapy is helping with the whole zen thing.

  • There are many times where I am not being zen about work.

  • Atticat is an awesome cat addition to the family.

  • I've talked myself out of an iPhone. For now.

  • I think that's it.

Let's All Go To The Lobby!

Hello faithful readers,

If you haven't seen it, you need to watch Lars and the Real Girl. I was interested in it when I saw the trailer, then forgot about it until wishuponakate reviewed it. Scott and I watched it Saturday night, and it was fantastic. Scott gave it five stars, and he's very picky about his movies. Some of the descriptions are not great, so don't fall into the "Dude falls in love with sex doll and wacky things happen" trick. Watch it and love it.

We also watched Burn After Reading. We liked it. It had a Big Lebowski ending and the characters are carefully crafted. I mostly wanted to see it because of Brad Pitt's dance moves.

We've started watching The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour, the Best of Season Three. I have yet to see anything from seasons one and two. It's weird to watch because some of it was extremely topical and doesn't translate to 2009, at least for me. Other parts are just as funny as they were when it originally aired. I like the comedy albums more, but it's still a good watch. Tommy kills me with his little brother ADHD meanderings and his attempts to distract Dick when he's called out on something. Scott and I will often launch into a straight man routine with Scott playing the part of Tommy and me as the straight man, so it's that much more amusing. It's making me want to get more albums, but the only thing I've been able to find is Sibling Revelry. Woah, amazon.com has Curb Your Tongue, Knave on their sellers page. I may track it down, if only for Tommy's take on American history.

Also, smokeytwat and I may have a cat fight over Tommy. She's got major mom power, and I'm pretty sure she'd school me. Badly.

OK then, off to...well, not really off to anything. Off to sitting here and thinking about things to do.

I blame illogicalduck for ALL of this!

illogicalduck was all "Entertain me! I want to hear more about your life!"

This is all her fault.

Part One of Things That Are Illogicalduck's Fault:

As you remember from the last post, Atticat isn't fixed. (This part isn't illogicalduck's fault. At least, I can't make a connection proving it's her fault.)

Atticat got out yesterday and spent the night under the porch with many, many gentlemen callers. Scott got her back in the house this morning. The hussy didn't even attempt to do the walk of shame back into the kitchen. We now have at least two boy cats hanging out in the back yard all "Hey mammacita! You gonna come out again tonight?" She is not. We have to develop a new way of going in and out of the house. It will look something like opening the door a crack, jamming your foot and leg in so she can't get out, shrinking your body and everything you are holding to the width of less than a cat, then stuffing yourself through the door at the speed of light. Or at least at the speed of faster than a cat in heat.

She will hopefully be fixed within two weeks.

Part Two of Things That Are Illogicalduck's Fault:

I'll sum up the history of my neck so people don't have to go back and reread.

1. Got a sore throat before Christmas.
2. Glands got really swollen.
3. Right side got REALLY swollen.
4. On the day after Christmas I went in to see my doctor because it looked like I had a golf ball in my neck.
5. She thought it was an infected saliva gland, possibly caused by the mumps. She gave me antibiotics and scheduled a CT to see what was up, as well as some blood work.
6. I was all "The MUMPS??? It's almost 2009!" and then sang stuff like "My mumps! My mumps! My lovely lady mumps!"
7. CT involved an IV (my favorite) and a dye that makes your fingers tingly and makes it feel like you peed your pants. I did not, in fact, pee my pants. I also did not faint from the IV.
8. Met with the doctor two weeks later. CT scan showed that it was "something" with my lymph node. I don't think she said anything about my blood work. She poked at my other lymph nodes. She scheduled a follow up CT for the end of the month to see what was going on. By the time I had my follow up appointment, the lump was much smaller.

Here's the new stuff that is illogicalduck's fault. I'll keep it numbered for consistency's sake:

9. Went for CT scan number two. Did not faint from IV or pee my pants.
10. Got a voicemail from the nurse the following Wednesday asking me to call back to go over the results.
11. I had an appointment to see the doctor next Thursday to go over the results, so I figured everything was cool and they were calling me to tell me how awesome I am and that I didn't need to come in.
12. Talk to nurse #1 on Thursday, late morning. She asks me about the blood work and if I had the tests done "for work or ... why did I get tested for the mumps?" I'm all "Huh? That was a month ago." I hear papers rustling and I tell her I had a follow up CT scan and that's why I'm calling. I hear more papers rustling and she asks me about the blood work again. I explain the whole after Christmas mump and why I came in and why I was having a second CT scan. She says I had tested positive for the mumps. I asked her what that meant and she said "I... don't... know. You had your MMR, right?" I said yes, and she said it might be the vaccine showing up, but she didn't know. More rustling of papers. "Hmmm...let me talk to the doctor and call you back."
13. I'm all "Well THAT was informative."
14. Nurse #2 calls me back with the results of my second CT scan. (I'm kicking myself for not writing this part down to refer to now.) She said the lump is smaller, but still there and the doctor is recommending a biopsy as a next step. I say "OK. What does that mean?" I hear papers rustling. Something about the results and wanting to find out more and the doctor will explain everything when I come in next Thursday. I say "Is this something I should be panicking about?" She said "Uhm...let me have the doctor call you back" then gets off the phone as fast as she can.
15. It's around 4 PM at this point, so I figure there's no way I'm getting a call back. Also, that's not an answer you really want to hear from a nurse.
16. Overall, I am amused by all of this.
17. Finally talked to my doctor a little while ago. She said the lymph node was smaller, but still enlarged and she'd like me to meet with a surgeon to have a biopsy done and we'll talk about all of this on Thursday when I come in to see her. I ask why she wants a biopsy and she says it will show if it's an infection or an inflammation or something else. Basically, it's to see what in the heck is going on in there.
18. Now I wait until Thursday.
19. In the meantime, I'm coming up with explanations for why I still have an enlarged lymph node.
20. My current favorite is that I somehow got crayons lodged in there.

Part Three of Things That Are Illogicalduck's Fault:

Someone burnt popcorn in the office microwave.

OK, look people. Why is microwaving popcorn difficult? We have so much technology at our fingertips, and yet when someone holds a bag of microwave popcorn and gets near a microwave, they temporarily lose brain function. "OK. I'll put this in here and close the door. Now this button says 'popcorn' but that probably means a different brand of popcorn. Hmmm. The instructions say 2-3 minutes, but time may vary. Hmmm. OK, I'm going to put this in for six minutes. I'll take it out when it's done. ... ... ... Wow, six minutes is a long time to wait. I'm going to go check my email/go to the bathroom/go to a Grateful Dead Concert. It'll be done when I get back. ... ... ... What's that smell? Oh yeah, my popcorn! Huh, this is really smoky. Hey! It's burnt! Sheesh, why can't they put better instructions on this thing? Oh well. I'll throw this away and go back to my office where I can't smell it. I'm sure no one else will notice it. Wait, while I'm out here, maybe I should microwave some fish."

There's also another version. "OK, popcorn goes in. The 'popcorn' button usually burns it, so I'll only put it in for a minute. ... That didn't work. One more minute. ... Nope. One more minute. ... OK, it popped a little. One more minute should finish it. ... Huh, it's still sort of popping. Sounds like there are a lot of unpopped kernels in there. Weird though, the bottom of the bag is starting to turn black. One more minute. ... Why does this smell burnt? I only put it in for one minute! Lemme check this out. WTF? I have seven popped kernels, a ton of burnt pieces, and 90% unpopped kernels. This popcorn sucks. Oh well. I'll throw this away and go back to my office where I can't smell it. I'm sure no one else will notice it. Wait, while I'm out here, maybe I should microwave some fish."

And the final version. "OK, taking out the popcorn. I am awesome. I never burn popcorn when I make it. Gods, this smells sooooooooooooo good. I'm going to carry it down every single hall and past every single person in this office before I go into my office and shut the door. I bet they will love the smell. Oooh, I wonder if anyone else will get up and make popcorn after they smell mine. Too bad I can't share this, but I need to go into my office and close the door! Oh wait, before I go back, let me put out this tray of fish I made. Maybe someone is hungry and would like to heat some of this up as a snack."

This, of course, leads to version one and/or two.

And The Final Part of Things That Are Illogicalduck's Fault:

There is an office in a different department that's around the corner from me. Every few months they have a conference call. Apparently the rules are as follows:

1. Someone must be late for the call.
2. The person who is on time must start the call, but leave the door open so when the late person arrives, he can come in and join the conversation.
3. Turn the speaker phone up as loud as it will go.
3a. Use an amplifier in front of the speaker to make sure you can hear the other people on the call.
4. Begin the call.
5. To ensure that you are being heard, yell into the speaker.
6. To ensure that others are being heard, have them yell into their speaker, so their yelling will come out of your speaker, into the amplifier, and into the ear hole of you and everyone in the building.
7. When the late person shows up, he should never, EVER close the door behind him. This is a sign of disrespect. The people on the call will know he has shut the door.
8. Whenever possible, everyone should speak at the same time. It shows strong potential if you can speak to the other person in your office as that person is yelling into the phone.
9. You should use the phrase "What?" as often as possible. This will let other people know that everyone should install a louder amplifier for the next conference call.
10. If given the opportunity, argue with the other callers. It's important to show dominance.
11. When the call is over, do not, under any circumstances disconnect the phone until the dial tone has been projected into the ear hole of you and everyone in the building. You should remain confused about how to end the call so that the blaring dial tone will last as long as possible.
12. Leaving the door open, discuss every detail of the conference call with the late person. It's a good idea to continue to yell, as this will keep your vocal cords strong for the next conference call.
13. When the late person leaves your office, close your door. Seriously, people in this building are loud and you need it to be quiet so you can get some work done.
14. Wait a few minutes, then get a craving for microwave popcorn and/or fish.

So there you go, illogicalduck. I hope my willingness to find the absurd in the annoyances of my life have brought a smile to your koala loving face.

99 Pieces of Fur on the Wall

So, we have a new cat. You should be able to see pictures here, even if you don't have Facebook. There's pics of Ben, Gruden, and Loki, in addition to Atticat.

Why Atticat? She was a stray that we managed to catch. She spent one night in the garage, then Scott moved her into the attic so she'd be warm and not in a cage. We were calling her Anne Frank, but decided that wasn't the most appropriate name. Also, she meows all the time and the Nazis would have captured her by the end of her first day in hiding. I started calling her Attic Cat, then it morphed into Atticat.

So, cat number three.

She hasn't been fixed and has gone into her second heat. It's awesome to hear MIAOW MIIIIIAAAAAOWW all night. Every boy cat in a 50 mile radius is now coming by the house to spray. It's an awesome way to start the morning. Open the door and get slammed in the nose by the stench of male cat piss.

But, she'll be fixed soon, so all should be good. She keeps trying to convince us that she's an outdoor cat and thinks if she sits by a door and meows for 20 minutes we'll let her out. We keep explaining to her that she's now an indoor cat. She's not buying it, but we will prevail.

In other news, there's not much going on. Work is annoying and frustrating. Money is scarce. We're back to karaoke nights on the first Monday of the month. We're getting a good tax refund, which will go directly to pellets for the wood stove and a half a tank of oil.

If anything interesting happens, I'll let you know. My psych meds nurse halved my antidepressant dosage this morning, so I might have something exciting to report in a few days involving a high speed chase across state lines. Or an entry about how I didn't get out of bed for three days.


Quack Quack A Birthday

Happy Birthday to the amazing illogicalduck!

Image by Cool Text: Logo and Button Generator - Create Your Own

I wrote you a book!

I made you a cake! Don't worry - that's not real soap.

I dressed this duck up for you. In retrospect, this was a bad idea. The doctor said I should regain sight in my left eye by the end of the month.

The Spuck Duck is out of stock. Apparently a lot of people want to take a bath with a Spock/Duck hybrid.

This is just weird.

I hope you had a great birthday!

A Cat Cliffhanger and Movies

It's looking like we've just taken in Cat #3. Pictures and details to come.

We're so damn weak.

Scott's also interested in a dog at work. I told him he could bring her home for a test run only if the kitchen was completely cleaned first.

And now, the movies. Remember, all links pop for you browser's pleasure.

Ghost Town, with the ever awesome Ricky Gervais. I thought this was a sweet romantic comedy. Unfortunately it was marketed as a wacky zany Ricky Gervais movie. Look out! It's Ricky Gervais playing a crotchety dentist! He hates people, but he can see ghosts! Wow! A naked ghost! Wacky zany times are bound to ensue! Ghost Town, opening soon! It wasn't like that at all. It's not a laugh until it hurts movie, but it was good and it sucks that it didn't do well because of the marketing.

I love me some PBS. American Experience has some amazing episodes. Last night we watched Tupperware! I picked this up for my fascination with the 1950s housewife. It's mainly the story of Mr. Tupper, the guy who (duh!) invented Tupperware, and Brownie Wise. Tupper created the product, Brownie made him rich. She was amazingly brilliant and developed most of the techniques that all at home distributors use today. One of the most interesting parts for me was seeing how the company was built for women by women, but the control was 100% male. Brownie was the first ever woman on the cover of Business Week and was named Businesswoman of the Year. She was the brains, but the men got all of the money. Another interesting piece was seeing the brilliance of Brownie's techniques. Brownie had graduation ceremonies at the end of each yearly gathering. Many of the Tupperware Ladies hadn't graduated high school and had never been recognized for much during their lives. Suddenly they heard their names being called and they were escorted across a stage as if they were royalty. One woman in the documentary is describing her ceremony and gets choked up because it meant so much to her. It seems silly, but it was beyond brilliant.

Also, the movie made me want to get those Popsicle molds and some Kool-Aid.

Scott watched Death Race last night. I made fun of him, but ended up watching most of it. It was actually cool because there's very little CGI. People actually get killed. OK, not really, but they did crash the cars for real. I rarely pick action movies, but I'd recommend this one.

I re-re-re-re-re-re-re-watched MST3K's Mitchell. I don't remember what triggered it, but I decided another showing was due. I can't decide if Mitchell or Pod People is my favorite. Then again, that's probably like trying to decide if ice cream or lasagna is better.

Get Smart was fun. I love Anne Hathaway. I'm sure there will be 40 billion sequels.

Fred Claus. Why did I wait so long to watch this??? My current holiday movie rankings:

1. A Christmas Story
2. Elf
3. Fred Claus

The deleted scenes were awesome. I wish they had left the extended version when Fred is sharing the bunk bed with Willie. The conversation was hysterical.

Chapter 27. Jared Leto is kinda creepy, skinny or fat. This is the story of Mark David Chapman over the three days leading up to the John Lennon's murder. I knew very little of the story; mainly that he was obsessed with The Catcher in the Rye, had it with him when he was arrested, and was trying to relive the book while he was in New York. I still had questions when the movie was over, but I mostly wanted to read the book again.

Run Fatboy Run was surprisingly sweet. Written by Michael Ian Black, directed by David Schwimmer, starring Simon Pegg. (Wait, David Schwimmer?) Thandie Newton's in it, and we were going crazy trying to remember what else she was in. I finally had to look her up and realized she was Condoleezza Rice in W.

Good times, good times.


Hot Mess in Negative Tempatures

It was about 15 below when I got up this morning.

We are very low on pellets so we barely have the pellet stove on. I have to check the oil when I get home to see how much time we have left before we have no hot water and potentially burst pipes.

It was too cold this morning to shower, even with the electric heater in the bathroom. (Part of me is convinced I'm going to be electrocuted every time I go in there.) Even with the hair dryer, I'd still be leaving the house with slightly damp hair and I was worried my scalp would freeze, break off, and my brains would fall out.

I'm tired and cranky and need to wash my hair.

My arm is still all messed up from last week's reading in bed incident.

Happy Emo Friday.
Wedding pictures are up. Finally.

Also, some from high school and middle school. More will be added to the Old School ones. I have a billion photos to scan. There will also be more wedding ones once I pull out candids to scan.

Lemme know if those links don't work. I've got them posted on Facebook and they're public, so they should be OK. If you're on FB, feel free to friend me.


In other news, still no word from the doctor on my mumpiness. I'm going to call in a bit to see what's up. The lump is almost gone, but it's still bigger than a normal swollen gland, and obviously bigger than no swollen gland at all.


In other news part two, a pipe burst in our mudroom on Saturday. I was up in Ann-Marie's apartment working on the aforementioned photo scanning. Scott was watching football when Loki started barking at the kitchen. Scott thought I had come down the back stairs and into the house that way. Loki continued to bark, so Scott came in to see what was going on. That's when he heard the WHOOSH noise. He looked into the mudroom and that's when he saw the Niagara Falls-like spray shooting horizontally into the door. He ran through the house and yelled up the stairs, "Need towels! Pipe burst! HELP!" Ann-Marie and I were all "???" I ran down stairs thinking "No worries, I'll just shut the water off" even though I had no idea where the burst was. Scott yelled "MUDROOM!" and I think I yelled something about duct tape. I head back there and the water is steaming so I freak and think it's scalding hot water and we're farked. It wasn't, so I chuck off my sweatshirt and shoes while Scott is pulling everything out of his pockets and hucking it onto the kitchen table. I step into the spray and see the split in the pipe, poke it (maybe thinking my finger was suddenly magic and would seal the seam?), hand Scott a washcloth and tell him to cover it and wrap it with duct tape, not thinking about the physics of the situation. Scott had a moment of clarity and yelled for me to run down to the basement and shut the water off. In the meantime, he tries to wrap the towel and duct tape around the pipe, but the spray is too strong and it's not working. Gruden is all "Screw this" and is hiding in the computer room, not to be seen for about an hour. Ben was investigating but quickly decided his services were not needed after Scott and I both screamed at him and his paws got wet. Loki took turns between being brave and standing near Scott and being freaked out by the noise and humans freaking out and hid in the living room. Ben then tried to be helpful by trying to trip anyone who was running so they would fall down and could look for any water damage on the floor.

During all of this we're throwing every towel and sheet we own onto the floor. (At one point I yelled "Not my Nate Berkus sheets!" because that's probably the one nice thing I own. [Yeah, shut up about my sad life.] I yelled this as I threw them onto the pile of sopping wet, muddy sheets and towels.) As Ann-Marie comes in with her own pile of towels, I fly by her screaming at the animals to MOVE!, then haul down to the basement. I grabbed Scott's phone (mine was in A-M's apartment) and am frantically calling Roland. I get down there and start turning off every knob I can find. Roland calls back and I scream into the phone "A pipe burst! Get over here!" He starts asking questions and I yell "GET OVER HERE A PIPE BURST I CAN'T TURN OFF THE WATER AND WATER IS POURING INTO THE HOUSE BECAUSE A PIPE BURST AND THERE'S WATER AND I CAN'T TURN IT OFF SO GET IN THE CAR AND GET OVER HERE IN YOUR CAR!!!" and hung up.

After what seemed like five minutes but was probably only 45 seconds, I found the main water switch and shut off all water to the house.

I go back upstairs and there is a lake in the mudroom. We all stand there, no longer running and/or screaming, just sort of looking at the water.

Luckily this space is a catch-all room and there's not much of value out there. If a pipe had to burst, this was the place to do it. And the day to do it. I don't want to think about what it would have been like if it had happened while we were at work.

And yay to Loki, the amazing barking at water dog.

There's a washer hookup in the mudroom that we don't use. The water wasn't turned off. The basement is unfinished, creepy as hell, and has lots of open spots in the wall. (Side note: I'm almost positive the last scene of The Blair Witch Project was filmed in my basement. It's terrifying down there. Every time I go down to do laundry I expect to see the guy standing in the corner. Don't get me started on checking the oil gauge on A-M's oil tank.) There's no insulation so cold air was coming through the crawl space where the pipes are for that side of the house and the result was Lake Mudroom. Roland shut the water off since no one uses it, then duct taped the hell out of the knobs so they don't get turned back on by accident.

Good times, good times.


And finally tonight, an open letter to UMass.

Dear UMass,

Did you not notice the sheet of ice on the roads, sidewalks, trees, cars, and everything else that is outside this morning? Because I noticed it. I first noticed it when I stepped out of my house to walk the dog and almost went ass over teakettle. Then I noticed it when I tried to pry my car door open so I could start my car. I definitely noticed it while I was chopping the ice off of my windshield. My noticing grew stronger and I slid out of my driveway onto the nicely sanded road. I didn't notice much until I got onto campus, but then the ice was immediately brought back to my attention when I noticed that the sidewalks weren't treated and I could see the thick sheet of ice. I noticed a few students sliding as slowly as possible toward the bus stops, trying not to fall and break a hip. I noticed when I turned a corner and my car started to skid. I noticed when I turned into my parking lot going 5 MPH because the lot hadn't been treated. I noticed again when my car started slowly sliding toward a row of parked cars. I really noticed when I thought I was going to have made it all the way to work only to get into an accident in the parking lot. I didn't notice so much after gaining control of my car and being able to park it. However, I noticed again when I opened my door, stepped down and almost fell because of the ice. Then I noticed as I did a slow shuffle slide towards the sidewalk. I noticed some more when I logged onto my computer and there were several angry postings on The Five College Soc about people who had to be in for 7 this morning and nothing had been treated. At least by the time I got here there was a small stretch of sidewalk that had been done. I'm sure all of the students and teachers who started Winter-session classes today noticed.

Would it have been that hard to call a delay?



I Like Big Mumps

Still no word on what this thing in my neck is.

It's still there, but it doesn't hurt anymore. It's smaller than it was, but still bigger than it should be.

My results are sitting on the doctor's desk, but she didn't have time to look at them on Wednesday and is out of the office today.

Hopefully on Monday I'll know if I'm going to die.

Ice Cream Cake in December

Happy Birthday, ma_ee_uh!

I hope you're having a wonderful rural New England shindig.

My Lovely Lady Mumps

So, yeah, I may have the mumps.

Last Saturday I had a sore throat and noticed my glands were swollen. I figured it was normal sore throat ickies. The sore throat went away by Monday, but my glands stayed tender and swollen.

By Tuesday only the right side was swollen. It still felt like normal swollen gland from sickies.

By Wednesday it was "Wow...this is REALLY swollen."

By Friday it was "Damn...I need to call the doctor." If I was a skinny bitch it'd probably look like I have a golf ball on the side of my neck. Sexy.

My doctor was able to fit me in at 4:40 on Friday afternoon. Rock.

She feels my throat and is all "Hmmm...yes, there is some swelling." She asks me a ton of questions and looks thoughtful.

Apparently there are different glands in the throat. She said this is definitely not a lymph node issue, but could be an infection (viral or not) or an abscess. She said the best thing would be to do some blood work and schedule a cat scan.


While she's writing everything up and going through my medical history, she asks if I know what the mumps are. I say yes, and she says, "Well, this could be the mumps. Did you have your MMR?"

Of course I've had my MMR. I'm not Amish.

Then I start to think... if anyone was going to get the freaking mumps in 2008, it would totally be me.

I'm waiting to hear back from the office to see when my freaking cat scan is. It'll either be today or tomorrow morning. I'm not sure what they're looking for.

In case it's not viral, she wrote me a 'script for some a funky antibiotic. It's the same one they give to people who have inhaled anthrax.

Mumps, anthrax, same thing.

I'm taking the antibiotic in the evening, which is making me want to throw up, with food or without. My morning meds are also making me want to throw up, with food or without.

To sum up: maybe mumps, mass in neck, want to barf, no anthrax here.

2008: The Year In Review

It's that time of year, folks. The 200X meme.

Go back to the first entry from each month and write down the first sentence or so.

January: Everything hurts. But you'll read about that in the middle. Make sure you read the end part. Read everything. Just do.

February: Been living in my head a lot these days. Lots going on in there and it's not pretty.

March: Howdy. I'm still sorta sick.

April: I really think smokeytwat should charge for her dream analysis. She could set up a site and be all dreamy cool.

May: We were supposed to leave for Mohegan Sun 13 minutes ago. I still need to pack and put on socks and shoes.

June: Karaoke tonight at The Pint.

July: First, make with the funny:

August: This was going to be a long post, but it can wait.

September: Note to self: no more Benadryl unless it's an emergency!

October: Engrish hat instructions
more the engrish!

I didn't add anything to the picture. Just a cut and paste.


Happy Birthday, smokeytwat!

December: I am shocked. SHOCKED!

So there you have it. Not one, but two smokeytwats, me running late for vacation, sickies, instructions for a hat, getting out of the hospital (August), and karaoke.

Yep, sounds about right.

Happy winter holidays everyone. Here's hoping 2009 is filled with lame ass resolutions, simple pleasures such as finding out you didn't actually wash that black felt tip marker with your load of whites, and waking up super early and not wanting to go to work but then you get happy because you realize IT'S SATURDAY!!!



Log in for friend locked posts.

Ahhhh meme...

I am shocked. SHOCKED! Fitness, Health and Sports: 0/7 (0%).

Also, I pronounce "meme" to rhyme with "them".

The Life Experience Test

Overall, you have partaken in 94 out of 169 possible life experiences.
Your average life experience score is therefore 56%.

The average score is 51%, making your experiences more than 61% of the people who have taken this test.
The average for your age group (26-35) is 53%.

Broken down by category:
Art: 7/17 (41%)

Career & Work: 6/13 (46%)

Civics & Technology: 3/7 (43%)

Crime & Disarray: 5/11 (45%)

Education: 16/18 (89%)

Fashion: 6/10 (60%)

Fitness, Health and Sports: 0/7 (0%)

Life in General: 9/14 (64%)

Relationships: 11/14 (79%)

Religion & Politics: 2/4 (50%)

Social: 14/22 (64%)

Travel: 6/20 (30%)

Vices: 9/12 (75%)

Take the test and see how YOU compare


Day After Eat A Turkey Day

I wonder how many people saw this and were all "WTF???" as other people were passed out from laughing.

Thanksgiving was mellow and nice. Dad and Alex were going to have Thanksgiving in Gardner with one of Alex's daughters, but they had to cancel it because Alex's leg swelled up to like twice its normal size. Dad brought her to the doctor on Wednesday and they found out she has a blood clot. It's not the kind that will kill you if it's thrown, so that's good. She has to take blood thinners on top off all the other things she's taking and can't be up and about too much.

They're going to have to put Patches down this week. The cat is 21 years old and has been on his last life for a while now. Dad said he stopped eating and drinking a few days ago, so they're going to bring him in to see what's going on, but they're pretty sure they're going to have him put to sleep. My dad is really upset.

Scott and I went to my mom's. Elise, Dennis, and Scott's mom came. As always, there was way too much food. No arguments this year. We all avoided politics. We've got lots of leftovers in the fridge.

We watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall the other night. It was really good. Lots of penis action.

Ann-Marie and I saw Twilight opening weekend, and holy hell did it suck. I'm so sad because the screenplay was really good. I wasn't expecting Oscars. I wasn't expecting perfection. I want a fun movie, and it was terrible. The acting sucked and the camera angles were weird. The entire theater laughed through it. Especially during the serious, this is not supposed to be funny at all scenes. It was so disappointing. It also made a berjillion dollars, so they're going to make the next one. I hope they learned something from this one and fix it.


And now I'm at work and there is nothing going on. I brought Firefly and Run Fatboy Run. I'm also going to poke around Netflix and see if there's anything on insta-play that looks good.

There are two other people in the office, and they are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down the hall. If the zombies come, I won't know until it's too late.

Hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving! For those of you not in the States, I hope you had a nice Thursday.

Drugs. What Are They Good For?

Greetings from my pill box.

Went to see my meds nurse this morning. Every time I leave his office, I'm mad. There's something about his bedside manner that makes me cranky. He talks way too fast, doesn't let me finish, and I feel like he doesn't listen to me.

My biggest complaint right now is that I cannot get a restful night of sleep. I crash out within minutes of getting into bed and sleep all night. It's hell waking up in the morning, and I'm dragging all day. I dream nonstop from when I fall asleep until I get up, and it's exhausting.

Last time I left with a 'script for Ativan. I think I tried it three times, then gave up.

This time I left with a handful of Lunesta samples. I told him (AGAIN) I don't have insomnia and have no problems falling or staying asleep, but he told me to try it anyway. Unless this stuff pushes through the REM cycle and gets me into deep sleep, it's going to be pointless.

I'm going to try it tonight, which should have wonderful results for Thanksgiving. I should probably wait until Friday night, but I'm hoping it'll work.

I asked him if he knew anything about prazosin. It's a blood pressure med, but studies are showing that it's helping veterans with PTSD and kids with night terrors sleep better. He totally blew me off and was really condescending. He said that it hasn't appeared in any scientific journals that he reads and that he would never prescribe something he didn't know about. Duh.

He put me back on depakote because I've been getting migraines almost every weeks since coming off of it.

So, yeah, fun times.

I'll keep you posted.

If I have side effects from the Lunesta, I may post in my sleep.

And also, because I cannot stop watching it:

Click for Single YouTube goodness!

The Great Swiss Cheese In The Sky

The good news is that I don't have to play Follow The Scent Of Decay To The Dead Mouse's Body.

The bad news is that I had to play Use Seven Paper Towels To Make A Sanitary Barrier To Pick Up The Dead Mouse's Body.

Ben, the mighty hunter, is full of himself. He keeps biting me to prove how strong he is. I may dress him in doll clothes to put him in his place. (I'll take pictures.)

The Nugent Was Here

Scott has Cat Scratch Fever. It is nothing like the song. Also, I apologize for getting the song stuck in your head.

The CDC lists it as a rare disease, so I've been congratulating him on beating the odds. They estimate about 40% of cats carry the bacteria, then it has to get in you. Since Scott is covered with cats for a good 90% of his day, it's clear he was destined for this disease.

On Friday he said he had a lump in his arm pit and we decided it was breast cancer. He had me poke him without tickling and I couldn't feel anything. On Saturday he said it was getting worse. On Sunday he said it was getting bad and it hurt. He took his shirt off so I could look and he had a lump the size of a baseball. The next morning it was a softball. I am not using my powers of hyperbole here.

He got in to see the doctor Tuesday morning and got the diagnosis. It's his lymph node that's swollen so they can't do anything about it. He's taking antibiotics and waiting. It hurts like hell and he can't get comfortable. It really sucks. Here's hoping he'll start to heal soon.

In work news, I have a job interview on December 2nd. More details to come after the fact. I'm still waiting to hear about another one I applied for. They're both at UMass.

In apartment news, IT IS FREEZING. Ann-Marie's heat has stopped working three times and she had to sleep at her parents' house last night. We're not heating the front of the apartment, so when you go into the kitchen you can see your breath. Wood pellets scarce, so we have to ration our pallet, which means no 80 degree days of fun. I'd like to thank the parents of the inventor(s) of the electric blanket for getting it on and giving birth. We still don't have heat in the bathroom, but Roland will hopefully be installing an electric thingy this weekend. Nothing like ice cold tile on your feet and frosty porcelain on your ass to wake you up in the morning.

In sleep news, I continue to have exhausting creepy ass dreams and waking up tired. I've been complaining to my meds nurse, but he's not listening. I have explained several times that I have zero problems falling asleep and staying asleep, but I have a hard time waking up and am dreaming non-stop. His solution? Ativan. Yep, give the girl who was eating Valium like it was candy a 'script for Baby Valium. I tried it for two nights, then stopped taking it. My shrink is doing some research on a night terror drug that's used. I think it helps you get out of the REM cycle into the deep dreamless sleep cycle. I think Christine from A Nightmare on Elm Street was on it.

Last night I was out cold when something in my dream started chirping. It happened three times, then my dream self informed me that it was coming from the bedroom and I should wake up. I open my eyes and listen, and sure enough, another chirpy squeak followed by cat steps. I turn on the light, can't find my glasses, but make out the shape of Ben pouncing. Scott struggles awake as I'm yelling "Ben has a mouse! Or a cricket!" He gets out of bed. Ben gets on the bed. He drops the mouse. The mouse is smart enough to not move and Scott grabs it. He opens the bedroom door into the hallway so he can let it go on the porch and Ben hurls himself through the air and bats it out of Scott's hand. The mouse takes off behind the bookcase. Scott looks for awhile and refrains from making a hat out of Ben, as Ann-Marie is wont to say. He gives up and goes to the ice cold bathroom. Ben re-catches the mouse, Scott tries to get it from him, the mouse escapes and bolts. Neither Ben or Scott knows where it is. I'm hoping it got away OK, otherwise we're going to be playing Follow The Scent Of Decay To The Dead Mouse's Body in a few days. I hate that game.

In game news, we have Animal Crossing for the Wii. If you're playing, gimme your Friend Code and if we're ever on at the same time we can come visit. I hung out with Katie last night and it was cool. We'll be getting the mic soon for chatty goodness.

And finally, tomorrow night. 11 PM. Me, Ann-Marie. Twilight. Yeah, shut up.

My Page, It Is The Blank

It seems like updating is dead to me these days. I'm not sure if this will be a permanent thing or if I'm just taking a break.

If anything major happens, I'll be sure to let you know.

I am reading all of your entries, so keep posting for my pleasure.

Yay Free Stuff!

I Can't Hear My Cookie

Happy Birthday, smokeytwat!

Yeah yeah, her birthday was days ago, but I made the font look cool, so pfffbt.

Anyway, haven't been updating much. I've been spending most of my time on Facebook (AJ LeBlanc). I didn't like it at first and had just signed up to seek out old friends, but I'm freaking addicted to it now. The Twilight flair alone keeps me going for hours. (Damn you anniepantsch!)

Actually, it's been really cool the past week because a ton of my college girlfriends have made accounts, and now a bunch of high school friends are appearing. Now I have more people in my life to feel bad about not keeping up with, except through their status updates.

Ann-Marie got our Twilight tickets today. Yeah, shut up. We debated going to the midnight show on Thursday, but then decided we weren't hardcore enough. We figure we'll take the Friday after HP and the HBP comes out, because we will so be seeing that on Thursday night. I've missed a ton of movies lately, including Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, which makes me sad because Kat Dennings is hooooooooooooooooot.

I found out last week that we aren't doing our normal Thanksgiving this year, and that sucks. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because it's the one time of year the entire family gets together. Christmas isn't a big deal anymore since I'm the youngest. I really think you need kids to make it work. Anyway, one of Alex's daughters can only come visit her on Thanksgiving, so she and my dad are doing the actually day in Gardner. I'm not sure if my sister is going to come to my mom's or if she and Den are going to go to his folks. It looks like we're all going to my dad's for Christmas, so that'll be cool. Thanksgiving this year might just be me and Scott at my mom's with Roland and hopefully Scott's mom. Oh well. More leftovers, I guess.

I've been in major book mode lately (while not playing Pet Society or Dungeons and Dragons on Facebook). I'm trying to get through A Wolf at the Table, but oh my gods is it harsh. This is Augusten Burroughs' memoir of his dad, and it's heartbreaking. I've only been able to read it in short sections because his dad was an abusive alcoholic and Augusten is telling it through the lens of whatever age he was at the time. It's emotionally devastating watching a little kid trying to figure out why his dad won't hug him but will cuddle and speak sweetly to the dog.

If you're on Goodreads, friend me. The link is in my profile.

In health news: eh. I've had a migraine/headache since Wednesday. I missed Thursday and Friday at work. This was a full out barfing and dizzy migraine, so of course I ran out of Imitrex and had to drive to Greenfield yesterday morning to get the refill. Today it's just a normal headache, but man, this sucks.

Therapy continues to be a struggle. I really hate having to pay attention to every single emotion and thought and decision, even though I know it's going to help me make better decisions and feel better about myself. Still, it's much much easier to do nothing and feel like crap. Stupid mental health.

My meds nurse continues to tweak my pills. I'm off of one of my mood stabilizers and way down on my antidepressant. I need to see if I continue to get two migraines a month (or more!) instead of my trusty one because the mood stabilizer I was originally on was also a migraine blocker. The one I'm currently on is supposed to do the same thing, but I got two migraines this month, so I'm suspicious.

Also, I'm convinced I have chronic fatigue syndrome.

And finally in sad news, Ann-Marie had to put Alice down yesterday, and it really sucks. Alice was the sweetest black lab and A-M had been fostering her for a little over a month. She was around 7 or 8 and you could tell whoever had owned her had bred the hell out of her and didn't take good care of her at all. She had a really tough spay and took a while to recover. She got really, really sick on Wednesday and A-M and the vet and the Dakin support group extraordinaire decided on Friday morning that it was time to say goodbye. She had a super loving home for the last month of her life, and even though it hurts like hell, I'm really glad we all got to know her. It was especially awesome to see how much she loved A-M in such a short time. She went from being nervous and unsure of herself to following A-M around the apartment. As soon as anyone would sit down, she'd park next to you and lean into you while you made with the rubbies. It only took her about a week to convince A-M that the bed was a perfect place to sleep at night.

She was a Good Dog.

Orange You Glad You Watered Your Plants?

For the love of fuck.

When I was in the hospital my insurance didn't want me there and didn't want to pay. I managed to stay for six days because my social worker was willing to take the time to argue with them, plus I was in over the weekend and that probably helped.

When I got out I was supposed to have 10-12 sessions in the partial hospitalization program, but they didn't want to pay for that either. I managed to get eight sessions and that was only because they said they were also treating me for substance abuse. Excellent.

Now I'm finally in therapy and they don't want to pay for me doing group and individual on the same day.


How in the holy hell does this matter? They'll pay for me to do it over two days but somehow doing it all on one day saves them money?

I just don't get it. I know they want to make money (which is a whole 'nother rant entirely) but why is this an issue? It's like when they'll cover insulin but not the needles. Or saying you can have chemotherapy, but on only Wednesdays between 9:18 and 10:34.


My one-on-one therapist is going to call and explain that this is the only time I can do it and that they suck. Well, not the last part.

I don't know how mental health workers do it. Not only do they have to deal with their patients, they then have to spend time on the phone arguing with the insurance companies so they can deal with their patients.

So, so stupid.

From Wil Wheaton's Lips To God's Ears

Don't Be A Chick

Well folks, Halloween is almost here, so you need to get your orders in or start printing now. It's important that we all come together this year and really work the love.


Slow Day At Work? Why Do You Ask?

There Needs To Be More Of These

Note To Self: The Sequel

Dear Self,

Would you just freaking go to bed before 10:30 PM already?

No love for you,



Dear Self,

Just because you have a higher dose of Concerta left over doesn't mean you should take it when you run out of your normal dose. The refill will arrive any day now and it's better to not take anything than to take the higher dose and feel like you're crawling out of your skin. You need to stay in your skin. It's an important part of your day.



In other news, not much going on. I've started to apply for other jobs at UMass. People are leaving the office and there's going to be a lot of reorganization, so I've decided now's a good time to go. I like the people I work with, but I don't really do anything at work. I've needed to look for a new job for a long time, but it was easier to stay in my comfort zone and not put myself out there for rejection. Yay for negative thinking.

Of course the day I decided to check the job listings was the day the hiring freeze was announced. I think I'll be OK though because the jobs I'm looking at are ones that have to be filled in order for day to day functions to keep on functioning. Unless they try to dissolve open positions and spread the work among the people who are still there. But that won't work for a lot of jobs, so I think I'll still have options.

I applied for a really cool position in the English department. I think it's a good fit and I'm hoping I'll get an interview. My boss is being her usual amazing self and encouraging me to move on. She's one of the reasons I haven't wanted to leave.

One thing I am freaking out about is if I'll be able to continue leaving at 2:30 on Tuesdays to get back to Greenfield for my three hours of therapy. It's easy to work around my schedule here but it might not be an option in other places. I can't worry about it now, but it is bothering me because I can't not go and there aren't any evening groups. I checked with HR and they think it won't be considered an accommodation so I'll have to try and work it out with any future employers. Meh.

And finally, it is FREEZING! WTF? Fall needs to stay a lot longer because it's way too soon for us to be burning through pellets.


If I had a bajillion dollars, I would get this cake.

For The Love Of...

Dear Universe,

OK. I get it. People all around me are all making huge decisions, mostly in regards to work and career. Fine. I'll start looking for new opportunities.

Now lay off a bit, wouldja?


The Animals Need YOU

Vote for Dakin!

Pretty please take a second to vote for Dakin. You don't need to put anything in the comments section.


I had an anxiety attack this morning after not having once since the middle of August. Yay. I'm still tweaking on a minor level, but am trying to keep myself logical and accepting of the fact that I can't leave work so I can't let this become a full blown freak out. Good times.

I had my third therapy session yesterday and will be starting group next week. I'm mixed on it because I know a lot of nasty stuff is going to have to be dealt with. Stuff I've been carefully squishing down for years. Stuff that's going to make me cranky. But I really don't want to feel depressed and hellish anymore, so I need to suck it up and start dealing with things.

I haven't been sleeping well, but that's nothing new. I continue to have exhausting dreams and when I wake up I carry the emotion of whatever was going on. Last night I was dreaming about frustration and urgency and panic and who knows what else. It probably triggered the anxiety attack because I was already in that state, then when I started to think about what I needed to get done this week, I started to lose it. I wish I could just sleep when I sleep. I'm back to being late for work almost every day and it sucks.

My car has a nice rejection sticker on it. It failed for safety so I can get pulled over and get a ticket. I don't know how much it'd be, but I can't do anything about it until Monday. My dad is going to try to get everything taken care of, but I need to get two more tires because he paid for the other two. We both thought the ones that were on there were fine but the inspection place said they didn't have treads on the edges. Meh. I'm hoping the place in Greenfield will have cheap used ones. Paying for them is a whole 'nother issue.

There hasn't been much going on at work and we have students here all day so most everything goes to them. I'm starting to go boredom crazy and am realizing more and more that it's time to look for a new job. I like the people here and the comfort zone, but I can apply to other jobs on campus that will move me up the pay scale and will have a workload. It would be great if something opened up in this office, but unless some one on the support staff leaves it's not an option.

So yeah, I'm cranky and broke, not sleeping, and frustrated about work. Same old same old. I need to get back to the whole optimism thing.

Knowledge Is Power

Engrish hat instructions
more the engrish!

Boomtown Rats

How to start a Monday

Prepare for your Monday morning by tweaking your back while getting ready for the Big E. This is the first time your back has been a problem for a long time, and it has the potential to be Bad. Spend the day painfully aware that you need to be extra careful and it might be time for another cortisone shot. Also, you're not supposed to be taking Valium or Percocet anymore, so don't plan on eating them as a crutch to get through this.

On Sunday evening, have Ann-Marie confirm that yes, you do indeed have a flat tire and no, you really can't drive on it. Call Dad and tell him that the nice new tire he bought for you has a slow leak that is hopefully not your fault and that you need to drive to Gardner to get it fixed. You have to drive to Gardner because that's where the tire center and receipts are. Figure out a plan for Monday. Decide to take Scott's car in to work, leave early, drive home, switch cars, drive to Gardner and hope to get there by 6.

Call AAA and have them come over to put the donut on the car so you can make it to Gardner, praying the spare doesn't blow.

Have AAA show up and tell you that not only is the spare flat, it's rusted to the trunk and the bolts will need to be sawed off to get it out. Also, it's probably beyond repair. Also, your rims suck so bad they're probably destroying your car.

Have AAA inflate the flat and hope that it's enough to get you to Gardner.

Monday morning:
Wake up after a night of terrible sleep brought on by a painful back. Realize that you were dreaming about not being able to sleep. Ponder about the fact that in your dream you were trying to sleep and couldn't. Be sad. Get out of bed slowly and carefully. Curse your herniated discs. Curse your sleep suck.

While in the shower realize that there is no one to cover the front desk after 4 and you won't be able to leave early to drive to Gardner to get your tire fixed.

Text your backup plan to your boss (after the shower, not while in it). You will now wait until 9, call Dad, hope he's up (he should be), drive to Gardner, get the tire fixed, then drive to work. Hopefully be in to work by noon. Figure out how to make up the time later and/or hope you have enough personal time to cover the hours.

While waiting to call Dad, remember that you need to call in refills on your meds. Grab the two bottles you need to refill, log in to the pharmacy and realize you've been taking the wrong medication since Saturday. Instead of doubling up on your mood stabilizer, you've doubled up on your blood pressure medication. Be thankful that you only did it for two days, swap all the pills out of the pill box and start over. Go back to the computer and finish refilling the 'scripts and make a mental note to maybe draw a chart or something of what each pill looks like.

Heat a frozen bagel in the toaster oven. When it's done, carefully cut it open with a butter knife. Notice that there's a bit of bagel stuck to the knife and in a moment of pure obliviousness, decide to chew it off by putting the knife horizontally against your mouth. The same knife that was just used to cut open a steaming hot bagel. Burn the ever loving fuck out of the edge of your lip and part of your tongue. Burn it enough that for a few seconds you think you have peeled skin from your lips. Realize in relief that you have not, and then stand in front of the mirror trying to figure out what in the hell you thought would happen when you put a hot metal object against your face.

Wait until 9.

Serves one.

On a good note, A-M and I had lots of food fun at the Big E yesterday. While watching the VitaMix guy do his thing, I turned around and wishuponakate was standing behind me! I was all "Woah! Kate!" She looked at me and smiled politely with that look of "Hi. I don't know who you are." Then I told her it was me and we were both all "Woah!" It was very unexpected and cool.

Also, I saw a Stormtrooper. (Star Wars, not WWII.) It started to rain and A-M and I were sitting on the back porch of the Vermont building eating and people watching. All of a sudden I look up and there's a freaking Stormtrooper. Me being me, I yell "STORMTROOPER! There's a STORMTROOPER!" thinking that people around me will be just as excited. One guy was. Once again, I sent out a tracking beam and snared a social awkward geek to my proximity. Other people either ignored us or shrugged us off as nerds. It was really random and I think he might have decided to come to the Big E as a Stormtrooper for the hell of it. We didn't see any Star Wars stuff, so I think it was just a guy with nothing to do on a Sunday.

Somehow that makes it that much cooler.

I'll Take Anything for $500, Alex

I am frustrated and crabby as all hell.

I went to see my new psychiatric meds nurse two weeks ago. I didn't do much meds changing since coming out of the hospital and partial didn't want to tweak things too much since I was seeing the psynurse in a few weeks after finishing with them. When I got there for the appointment he went over my meds cocktail and wasn't happy that I was taking so much stuff, which I agree with, even if I am a big fan of pills.

One of the things he questioned repeatedly was my bipolar diagnosis. He asked me about mania and hypomania and why my symptoms were and shook his head a lot. Without actually saying it, he said that he didn't think I was bipolar. This confused the hell out of me.

He also talks fast, interrupts when I'm asking him questions or trying to tell him something, and starts asking me the next question before I've finished the first or asked for clarification. I left really pissed off and sad.

He did have me lower one med because he wants to get me off of it, which is what they had said at the hospital and in partial, so I trusted him there. Well, I trust him with most of the meds stuff since he is a psynurse.

I went back today and he was still really fast and interrupting. I almost asked him to let me finish, but I've been super irritated and cranky and I was afraid I was going to snap at him, so I just grumbled in my head. I told him I was confused about my diagnosis and wasn't sure what I was working with and he glanced through my file and said he didn't think it was bipolar but definitely depression and probably anxiety. I told him I've been having problems with anger the past few weeks and this is new and he said it was probably the anxiety.

He's having me up the dose of one of my meds, which I was going to ask him to do, because I'm on the lowest right now and it was supposed to be upped weeks ago. It got put off while I lowered the other one because he only wants to change one med at a time. This part I like because if things change, we'll know which pill it (probably) is.

I told him I'm not sleeping well and feel like I'm starting another cycle of depression. He didn't ask many follow up questions and left me to believe we'll get back to it in three weeks when I go back and we can see what the higher dose of the med is doing.

He wants to get me off the Concerta and when I told him I have a hard time with my ADD and can tell the difference when I'm not on it he said that had a lot to do with the anxiety. He said that anxiety and ADD go hand in hand and it makes sense that I can't concentrate or focus if I'm depressed and anxious. It seemed like he was saying my ADD would just go away if I treated my depression. WTF? I'm even more confused now.

So...I don't know what my diagnosis is. I'm definitely depressed and the word "major" is used a lot when I've talked to the doctors. I had anxiety when I was in the hospital and during partial, and now I'm starting to have major irritability and anger. Fan-freaking-tastic.

One good piece is that I'm finally in therapy after not having any treatment since I got out of partial on August 21st. I had my intake appointment on Tuesday. I'll be doing 1:1 appointments for the next two or three weeks, and then if we decide that DBT is a good fit for me, I'll join in on the group session from 3:30-5:30, then have my 1:1 from 5:30-6:30. Yep, three hours of therapy a week.

What sucked though was that my 1:1 also wasn't sure about my diagnosis. I asked her about being bipolar versus depression and she looked at my file and said that in partial they were treating me to "rule out bipolar II". I had thought this meant that they thought I had it and they way they confirm it is to treat me for it, then when I respond they can say "Yep. Write it down." That's what they do for ADD. If you respond to treatment, you have it. If not, you don't. (OK, it's not that black and white, but you get the idea.) She said something about major depressive episodes but didn't say either way what it was. This makes sense because we haven't done any work yet, but is frustrating because I don't know what I'm dealing with. She also brought up PTSD, which was mentioned in partial, but it didn't really make sense because I can't think of any trauma I'd be post stressed about. They put it in my file at partial, I think, to make sure I didn't have it.

Maybe I have PTSD about not having a diagnosis. Pissed off Therapy Session Disorder.

She was one of the therapists at partial. This is both good and bad. It's good because I already know her and she knows a little about me and I don't have to explain the work I did in partial. It's bad because she comes across as really unorganized. REALLY unorganized. For me to say this is scary. When she was running sessions she'd often jump all over the place and it was hard to pay attention or follow what was going on. I did like when she did Women's Group though. During intake she was losing track of all the paperwork and we had to go back and redo a few parts. I totally started to get pissed off and shut down. I kept thinking "I'm fucking paying money for this?"

Anxiety? Me?

And THEN she talked to me a little bit about the program before I left and I got even more confused because it sounded like she was saying it was mostly for people with borderline personality disorder, which I don't have. I'm trying really hard not to spend any time thinking about this and waiting until Tuesday to ask, but I'm now wondering if I'm not even going to end up doing DBT because it's not a good fit. If that happens, I need to start over with a new referral, most likely from the psynurse, for a psychotherapist and find a schedule that fits.

Anxious? Why do you ask?

On top of all of this, I'm back to sleeping like crap. I've totally given up trying to stick to a 10PM bedtime, although I have been pretty good about getting to bed by 11:30 and not 1AM or later like I used to do. But once I'm in bed I'm either falling asleep within five minutes or my thoughts start stacking and I'm up for an hour or more. Even if I do crash right away, once I do fall asleep I'm having exhausting dreams and waking up just as tired or more tired than I was before I went to sleep. I've been sleeping through both of my alarms, waking up late, then starting my day off by rushing around, taking Loki for a 30 second walk, speeding the entire way to work, and getting here late. Always good to start the morning off in a pissed off, sleepy mood. At least I'm not having the bloody violent dreams. Knock wood.

So, yeah. Lots of unhappy over here. Good news is I've got standing appointments every two-three weeks with the psynurse and have therapy going, even if it might not be DBT. I just want to know what I'm dealing with and how to make it not suck.

AND, just to add insult to injury, I was supposed to go to the Big E with Ann-Marie tomorrow but it's raining buckets so we're not sure if we're going to go. On the one hand there won't be a lot of crowds and it'll be a good day to eat warm nummies. On the other hand, I don't want to pay $15 to walk around all wet and squishy and deal with the humidity for a few hours, fight to get into the dry and humid buildings, then drive 45 minutes back home with damp feet. On the stomach hand, Maine baked potatoes, apple pie with Vermont cheddar cheese...

To wrap it up on a good note: Ann-Marie peer pressured me to start the Twilight series. I read the first two in about three hours a book and I really like them. She's going to finish the third one tonight and give it to me, then we'll probably both end up buying the last one this weekend so we don't have to share. They're fun and I can see why they have a huge following. I'll post my literary analysis on them later because this is already way too long.

In Which My Actions Land A Car In Jail

figure 1

Crazy busy weekend, and it was excellent. Yesterday was katiesmurf's birthday, and while I didn't get to celebrate the big 30 with her, I did feel the excitement. Happy Birthday!

anniepantsch, aka Ann-Marie, and I volunteered at the Deerfield Craft Fair on Saturday morning. It was early and it was cold. We were supposed to be there for 9 AM. The gates were scheduled to open for 9:45, but they opened earlier because there were people lined up in the road and it's not safe. Ann-Marie and I were in charge of putting wristbands on people. It involved wristbands and putting them on people. Very complex.

Anyway, we got there a little after 8:30 which is a miracle for me, but I seriously underestimated how long it would take us to drive the 10 minutes from Greenfield to Deerfield. We were trying to figure out where to park where we didn't have to pay $3 to $6. We figured there had to be space for volunteers somewhere, especially for those of us in early.

We slowed down as we got closer and saw that the town had put up No Parking signs along both sides of the road, but there was one area where people did park. Right after that was a gate, so we pulled in there.

That's where Ann-Marie saw the sign and said out loud "The gate's closed from 9:30 - 5:30." (see figure 1) I gave her a weird look and said "Yeah...but it's not even 9:00 yet." She gave me a weird look, then figured I knew what I was talking about.

Big mistake.

We pulled in and told the security volunteer that we were volunteering until 11 and weren't sure where to park and she waved us in and said we could park here. Then a second guy waved us all the way to the very back of the field and we parked Ann-Marie's car.

We got out, did our wristband thing until 11, did some shopping, ate some foods, and at some point walked by the gate where we had driven in and saw that it was closed.

I figured it wasn't a big deal and that they just weren't letting people in. I walk over to the new security person and ask if it will be OK for us to get out in a little while since we were almost done shopping and were ready to leave.

Security volunteer says "Well, no. You can't leave. The gate is closed from 9:30 to 5:30." (see figure 1)

In my head I went "Ohhhhhhhhhh... it's closed... like closed closed. Until 5:30." Suddenly A-M's weird look made sense.

I looked at her. She looked at me.

We went over to the Head Peeps at the info booth and explained the problem and they told us were were SOL because the gate was closed until 5:30. (see figure 1)

I realized I should have approached them while limping and said an ovary had just fallen out and it was imperative that we be able to get our car and leave. Hindsight and all that.

So now it's about 12-ish and we have to live at the craft fair until 5:30. But we were planning on heading to the Garlic and Arts Fest before it closed at 5. And we didn't want to live at the craft fair until 5:30.

Lucky for me, A-M isn't mad. She made a few calls and got laughed at by her family. Unfortunately, no one was around to pick us up.

There were other people from Dakin volunteering on wristband duty, so I checked with one of them to see if we could get a ride either back to the house to get my car, or to Dakin to get Scott's car. Either way, we'd need to come back at 5:30 when A-M's car was paroled.

Turns out that Nicole was planning on picking up Rena, another Dakin-ite, and they were going to the Garlic Fest. We caught a ride with her, and the four of us headed to Orange where we ate copious amount of food and breathed fumes of delicious nasty out the car windows on the way home.

Nicole was nice enough to bring us back to Deerfield after we dropped Rena off so we could get the car and head home in time for Scott and Jeff (yet another Dakin-ite) to show up to do some TV and interwebs work.

I am no longer allowed to make any decision involving parking.

Also, eating a big plate of hummus, tabouli, salad with garlic vinaigrette and following it up with maple sugar cotton candy is a bad choice. Even if the hummus is some of the best you've ever had in your life.

On Sunday I went to my dad's so he could fix my car door so I could get it inspected. Around the beginning of this month I happened to look at my back tires and realized I had no treads. I'm not talking low treads; I'm talking no treads. They looked like the bottom of a brand new dress shoe. The kind you have to buy those stick on grips for or scuff up with sandpaper if you don't want to wipe out the first time you step on carpet. They were horrible.

My dad took one look at them and freaked. I got lectured for not paying attention and for driving on them for so long. Then he bought me two new cheap ones. Yay? I felt bad, but I wasn't going to be able to get to the tire place until this Saturday and he refused to let me drive home on what I had. He said he hadn't seen anything that bad since WWII when rubber was rationed. I told him he should be proud that I was so frugal. He lit his 23rd cigarette of the afternoon, glared at me, and said nothing.

Hopefully the car is patched together enough to squeak through one more year.

And now it's Monday. I've got Women's Group tonight, my first shrink appointment with the new person tomorrow night, bipolar bears support group on Wednesday, The Office on Thursday, Friday is open, the Big E on Saturday, and Sunday is open.

Finally tonight, I love sweater weather.

Sep. 22nd, 2008

Jonathan Safran Foer will be at UMass tomorrow night. Free admission.

I can't go, which makes me sad.

If you go, tell me how awesome it was.

I Love This Cat So Much


It Be That Time O' Year, Mateys!


September 19! Be ye ready?



Holy God
Her Royal Laziness

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